Coding Week Gone Wrong

I just spent the last week coding furiously on a new project. And it’s been a ride. Ups and downs. Wrong turns and a few right ones.

I had the week off and so I went to a summer house to code and work on my new project. Just me and my laptop.

Now it’s Sunday and time to reflect. The big scary question that revealed itself to me this week was:

What if this is not for me?

What if I’m not cut out for this? What if I’m not good enough? What if this is not really want I want to do?

This isn’t so much anxiety about building in public or sharing my work. It’s a hint of fear that this isn’t for me.

I actually look forward to going back to my corporate job. To the comfort of a 9-5 where the stakes feel lower. Going back to my routine and my colleagues.

This is surprising news to me.

The last couple of months I have not enjoyed my job much. But maybe what I needed wasn’t to quit and become a full-time indie hacker.

Maybe, just maybe all I needed was a small break. A chance to breathe.

Early on in my week off I did not respect this at all. Instead I coded like an obsessed. I worked long days with few breaks. My mind was constantly on the project and at the end of each day I was fried. I had no energy left for anything else.

The weather was beautiful but I did not have the capacity to appreciate it. A few days of this and I started not just questioning my project, but everything.

So I started taking breaks. I went for walks. I read. I spent mornings writing in my journal instead of coding new features.

I took a step back and it helped (of course it did).

I’m still not sure what I want to do. But my mind is calmer. My body is less of a mess. And my goals are a bit clearer too. I love building and creating. Maybe I also like my job (because I get to create and build).

I don’t love stressing out over product market fit or how I can market what I’m building. I don’t like analyzing my tweets or looking at my subscriber numbers. Maybe that means I won’t be an indie hacker. Maybe I still can. I don’t know.

If it means extended stress and anxiety, I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I have enough already. Luckily, I don’t believe it has to be that way. I believe there is a more mindful way to build and share. And that’s the path I want to follow.

I spent this week coding a new project. And I’m proud of the progress I have made. But I’m more proud that I listened to my body. Maybe that does mean I’m not cut out for it. But if that’s the case I’d rather not be.

Taking care of my mind and body comes first. As it should.

Once that is taken care of, then I build.